Feeling Left Behind? How to Turn Jealousy into Your Secret Weapon

Nothing wrong with a bit of jealousy, is there?

In a session recently, I was asked this question - How to deal with feeling jealous when someone seems to have done something amazing? (I'm paraphrasing)

I love this question as we all feel this emotion at any given point in time.. Don't we?

We see, we compare.

We feel the lack.

We feel resentment.

We feel bitterness.

We feel frustration.

We criticize ourselves.

We spend way too much time and energy on it.

It's not easy, but having dealt with this a lot 😅 here's my answer…

… Btw, It's got layers, as it is not as simple as - Don't compare!

Yes, obviously don't compare.

But no one ever says why you shouldn't, do they?

• You and the other person are not the same, are you? You and the other person have your own unique strengths, weaknesses, abilities, capabilities, gifts, background, environment, thought process, mindset, beliefs… I can keep going on. But you get it, yes? You're not the same.

• Your paths aren't the same. Your starting points differ, even if the end goal is similar.. It's still different. You will both take totally different actions based on all your differences that will lead you where you are.

• Would you really want to do everything the other person did and does to get there? Is that something you really, I mean really, want to do? Or would you prefer doing it your way? In a way that works best for you?

• What you see is mostly just the end. Do you really think you get to see every minute of that person's journey? There's so much you probably don't know.

So here's what you first need to do..

• Know that the feeling is valid. It's okay to feel jealous. As long as you move through it and not repress or stew in it.

• It doesn't make you a bad person to feel a little jealous. It makes you human. It doesn't make you a negative person, so don't be like ‘no no, I have to clear this with gratitude’

• Tell yourself it's okay to feel it. Then move ahead with the following steps.

• Know yourself. Like really know yourself well (all the stuff that makes you, you. That makes you unique)

• Know your path and journey. Actually know what you're doing about your wishes and desires.

• When you know yourself and your journey - it is easier to not compare. Coz then you know, what you're doing and where you're going. And when you feel jealous - you only have to remind yourself that you're not stuck.

• Look at the jealousy as a good place to stop and look back at your own journey.

• If you want to take action as a result of this jealousy - check with yourself, are you doing it for you from a place of love? Or are you doing it to prove yourself in a competition that doesn't exist?

By now, hopefully that jealousy becomes something better.

So if you can push yourself -

• You can be grateful for having had this experience

• You can celebrate having moved through this better than before

• You can look at the other person's success that it's possible for you too

• You can wish them and actually be happy for them (even if it's just in your mind and not in words)

You don't have to. But you might naturally get here. All by just processing that emotion 🩷

I wrote this, as I pretty much used exactly this to process some jealousy that suddenly reared up.

And I felt this would help someone. Let me know if you did, or if you have any follow up questions!

See, jealousy can be a good thing 😉

Love,

Reshma